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School
Exposure (
Starting
school is an exciting experience for young children
and a
challenging responsibility for the parents. Those who
had the advantage of
sending their children to pre-school nursery before
the statutory education
have already passed a phase in that challenge. The fact
that the young lovely
ones are going to be exposed to host of life experiences
should convince the
parents to plan and prepare for the new journey.
Evidently,
pro-active Muslim parents are well aware of the challenge
and they
make their home environment a learning one. Some Muslim
parents help setting
their own nursery, on their own or with the help of
similar minded parents.
School
provides the first opportunity for exposure to outside
world through
formalised education. What does a child learn? In the
task-centred education
philosophy a child is the tool, although most important.
So, the parents must
continuously interact with him as to what is going on
in his world of
schooling. Parents should ask, help, guide and build
confidence in him. The
parents need to share with their child the experience
of school life. They
need to cultivate the potentials of their sweet one
and attempt to harness
them. However, going through the child's learning process
needs an open and
broad outlook from the parents, a sensitive approach
and conscientious
attitude.
A
Question to think about
: How do parents help, guide and build
confidence in their child who is starting school?
Which School?
Muslim
parents are genuinely concerned about the amoral values
in the
schools. There are of course many religious denominational
schools, most of
whom are church based. There also exist some private
Muslim schools in many
western countries now. In Britain there are two government-funded
Muslim
schools. But for ordinary Muslims the choice is limited
which lead them to
hard reality of choosing normal government schools.
But whatever school may
be chosen for the child, he needs the basic and obligatory
knowledge of Islam
which the parents are obliged to provide.
A
Question to think about
: What should Muslim parents do to become
aware of what is being taught to their children at school
and what their children are exposed to from the time
they step out to go to school to the moment they return
home?
School
Curriculum and Moral Issues
It
is acknowledged that curriculum in western education
is broad and it
intends to cover wider subject areas. However, there
are some areas which
need serious scrutiny from Islamic point of view. The
proliferation of
permissiveness has its impact on the school curriculum
to the extent that
even primary school children are forced to learn about
sex. It is unfortunate
that young children are bombarded with value-free ideas
about life as if they
are adults. There are also issues of music, dance, mixed
swimming, etc, which
Muslim parents need to be aware of.
A
Question to think about
: How can parents deal with hideous offences such as
racism faced by their children at school?
Social
Side of School
Acquiring
social and life skills is important. Learning to become
responsible
and gradually independent in life starts from school.
Home-work, school
visits, school functions, etc, are the tools of disseminating
these skills.
Parents should inform themselves of what is going in
the schools and they
must be selective in allowing their child in those,
especially when it comes
to overtly Christian functions during Easter and Christmas
seasons?
A
Question to think about
: Give a detailed list of things that has to be taught
to a child who is starting to go to school.
Potential
Hurdles in School
Schools
could become difficult for some children and the parents
should watch
out what message the child brings from school. Bullying,
racism or other
hideous offences can create dislike for schools in young
mind and they need
to be challenged head on.
A
Question to think about
: What can parents do for them and their children to
enjoy Eid?
Weekend
and Evening Schools
Responsible
Muslim parents arrange for their child's Islamic upbringing
from
his early life. Parents having lack of knowledge themselves
can not shy away
from their responsibility. They should involve private
tutors or get help
from others and, of course, they should try to overcome
their weaknesses.
Getting
basic understanding of Islam is a fundamental right
for all children
born in Muslim families. As the child grows and start
going to school,
parents should look for Weekend and Evening Schools,
where the child can
learn Qur'an, Arabic and Islamic Studies in an Islamic
environment and
Muslim-friendly atmosphere. But care must be taken that
the child is not
overburdened with too much work and mishandled by the
teachers who have
little understanding of techniques to educate young
people. We must not rob
children of their childhood by overburdening them with
work and work. Where
there are no such schools, parents should look for alternative
arrangements.
A
Question to think about
: How can parents go about teaching gender issues to
their children?
Islamic
Social Environment
Weekend
schools or Community clubs can occasionally arrange
for day trips,
camps, etc, for fun and learning to live together as
Muslims. They also help
a child making friendship with others which is absolutely
important for a
Muslim. Children make and break friends and learn about
themselves and the
world around them. Parents can and should help their
young ones to choose
suitable friends.
At
the same time, if time and finance permit, children
should be taken to
Umra trips or for visit to other Muslim historical places
to give them wider
perspectives of Islamic history. With careful planning
this may not be
impossible for many parents.
In
order to imprint on the child of clean and innocent
recreation, Islamic
occasions, such as two Eid days, should be utilised.
Muslim parents need to
involve the children in these social occasions. Islamic
recreation has unique
moral and spiritual dimension.
A
Question to think about
: What is the meaning of 'Islamic Shariah'?
Gender
Issue
As
the child grows, gender issue naturally comes in. While
in Islam Taqwa
(God-consciousness) is the criterion for success, gender
role is important
and the parents should be open about this. Parents need
to gradually teach
about the roles and responsibilities of man and woman
before school, TV or
some other agencies take this on board and give them
distorted views.
A
Question to think about
: What is the minimum amount of time that parents should
spend with their children for playing and discussing
family issues?
Islamic
Shariah and Personal Hygiene
A
child at this stage grows rapidly. Some grow fast. By
the end of the
primary school-life most children are at near- puberty
stage. This is when
Islamic Shariah begins to be determining factors in
their life. Both father
and mother should be pro-actively engaged with their
sons and daughters
respectively so that they are not lost or misled in
this important juncture
of their life. Cleanliness and personal hygiene are
important for boys and
girls. Islam is emphatic about cleanliness (part of
faith - Hadith)
A
Question to think about
: Give an example of how parents can create a family
atmosphere where discipline becomes ingrained in their
children.
Family
Time
Whatever
you spend for the pleasure of Allah will be rewarded;
even the
mouthful of food you give to your wife. (Sahih al-Bukhari
and Muslim)
Anyone
spending for the family for the pleasure of Allah will
be treated as
sadaqa. (Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Earning
livelihood is an act of worship. Spending for the family
is the best
of spending. The above and other sayings of the Prophet
encourage Muslims to
earn and spend for the family and others. Provisions
come from Allah and a
Muslim should be grateful for what he earns.
Earning
livelihood is a struggle, and as such spending quality
time for the
child is increasingly getting difficult for the parents.
There are many
fathers who seldom see their loved ones. Odd jobs at
nights and
over-stretched work hinder their interaction with the
children, leaving
mother alone to struggle with the household works and
manage education of the
children. It is essential that parents manage time to
sit together sometimes
and discuss family issues of importance. Even if it
is absolutely necessary
for both the parents to work full-time they must have
plans for getting
together on occasions. Children should be aware of the
difficulties faced by
their parents.
Parents
must manage some time to play with the children. The
Prophet has
mentioned that those who have child should act like
a child with him. He used
to line up three young sons of his uncle Abbas and ask
them to run toward
him. They ran, jumped on him and he hugged and kissed
them. He sometimes
crawled on his hands and knees while Hasan and Hussain
were riding on his back
A
Question to think about
: Active listening is crucial in parenting. Explain
what is active listening and how should one train to
become an active listener?
Discipline
Discipline
is important for success in life, but it is a shared
responsibility. On the other hand, freedom is in the
human nature. If the
parents are successful in creating a family atmosphere
where everybody
understands his role and responsibility, discipline
becomes ingrained and
problem would not occur. Discipline implemented by force
is not natural and
bound to fail. Excessive discipline has opposite effect.
Nobody feels
comfortable with the 'control freaks' around. Too much
control leads to
rebellion or else make children isolationist, docile
and passive.
Parents
must avoid head-on confrontation with their child at
any situation.
In dealing with a child there should not be any discrepancy
between two
parents, or else he will take advantage of that. It
is always better to
discuss the strategy beforehand.
A
Question to think about
: Should parents prevent their children from watching
TV?
Listening
Skill
A
child is an not adult. He talks, often repeats unnecessarily
and sometimes
talks without probably any meaning. This is the way
he learns how to
communicate with others. Parents need to have patience
to listen to him
actively. Active listening is a skill. People have a
tendency to talk, not to
listen. But wise men are those who listen. Allah has
given man two ears and
one mouth in order that he listens more than he talks
and reflects. So,
parents need to talk to their child meaningfully and
in a way he understands.
The Prophet was an active listener and meaningful speaker.
Aishah
(RA) narrated that the Prophet (pbuh) spoke clearly
so that all those
who listened to him would understand him. (Abu Dawud)
Anas
(RA) related that the Prophet (pbuh) used to repeat
his words thrice so
that the meanings were understood fully. (Bukhari)
A
Question to think about
: At what age should a child be taught the basic teachings
of Islam? What are the basic teachings of Islam?
Enjoying
and purposeful Learning
Sensible
parents leave room for their child's physical and mental
space.
Parents can engage him with story-telling, and good
audio-visual cassettes.
Story telling has long-term impact on learning. Stories
of great people on
earth, especially the companions of the Prophet are
inspiring. Poems, songs
and other artistic areas need to be encouraged as long
as they do not go
against Islamic boundary. Children must be encouraged
to read, as reading for
knowledge and understanding is the way to succeed.
Physical
and Mental Fitness
Balanced
diet, regular exercise and intelligent games are important
to be
inculcated among the young ones so that they make them
a habit of life. This
is the period when young people could be glued to TV,
which is detrimental
for the physical and mental health of the child. According
to survey done in
many countries, average child could spend a staggering
four to five hours on
TV. This can make him dull and has its negative influence
on him. If a child
is not prevented from watching too much of TV, he can
grow a loner with
complex psychology.
Religious
Observance and Islamic Manners
Prophet
Muhammad (pbuh) was the teacher of humanity and he was
unique in
teaching all aspects of human life. Life is about education
and education
starts from childhood. The Prophet has ordered Muslim
parents to teach their
children with sincerity and kindness.
Abu
Suraiya Sabra ibn Ma'bad al-Juhani narrated that Prophet
(pbuh) said :
teach your child how to pray from the age of seven,
beat him at the age of
ten (if he does not practise) - Abu Dawud, al-Tirmidhi
Abu
Hafs Umar ibn Abu Salama narrated : I was a child under
the Prophet's
care. While eating my careless hand would move around
in the plate. The
Prophet said, "my son, start in the name of Allah,
with the right hand and
take the nearest food". From then onwards I used
to eat the way he taught me.
Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim
As manners and behaviour have a high place in Islam,
children need to be
educated on how to behave with other human beings and
the environment. The
Islamic manners how to greet people and respond to them
in various situation,
seek permission to enter a house or room, etc, are part
of Muslim culture
that has made the ummah a distinct community of purpose.
A child's manners
reflect his personality and future potential. In the
modern world trendy
fashions, often used by the celebrities, are now in
supremacy. This is geared
towards consumer, and often immoral, culture that influence
the young minds.
The only survival mechanism is to link the child to
Allah
The
Legacy of This Stage
In
these formative years, before puberty, physical dependency
is gradually
gone and the legacy of what a child has learnt continues.
Thus support and
guidance by parents in this period is thus vital. This
is the age when
attitudes and orientation to life are formed, although
they may change in the
adolescence. In this stage, a child is straightforward
and transparent. With
the broader school curriculum and positive family upbringing
he can
comfortably enter into adolescence with a broader horizon.
A loving and
stable environment at this is absolutely vital.
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